The Emergency
by Queen of the Random Word
Summary: A small collection of Drabbles. An emergency in the division is never what is seems to be.
1. The Emergancy

"Taicho, Fukutaicho!" A shinigami cried as he side the shoji doors aside to see his captain and vice-captain sitting in their office, obviously looking up from a previously engrossing conversation.

Kurosaki Ichigo looked at the subordinate, whose name he had forgotten already. "What is it?" He asked.

"There is some kind of emergency in the company mess hall! The new recruits are throwing food."

Rukia sighed as Ichigo groaned about Keigo's idea of initiation; it wasn't even approved by them.

Rukia pulled on her white coat symbolizing her rank, Ichigo pulled on his vice-captain badge following her out the door.

* * *

An: This is a random drabble I cooked up when having an Im conversation with my beta and it was done all in the span of five minutes. I'm kinda proud of it. I wrote this when I noticed that there were TONS of captain Ichigo fan fics where he is captain and Rukia is his vice, and well, I thought it would be interesting to have it the other way around. As for why there is not specific division specified, well, this could happen in any division couldn't it?

As a special treat here is something my Beta cooked up just for you!

Spaghetti Mountains: 3000 yen.

New Wall Paper: 500, 000 yen.

Cleaning up after the greatest food fight of your after life: Priceless.

(Read and Review Please.)


	2. The Night

An: Wow, The emergancy had gotten so many hits... wow. Well this one takes place way before "The Emergancy."

The Night

Kiego groaned when he awoke with a hangover. Oh why was he tempted to play "I've never" on that bar stool any way? Oh yeah, he went bar hopping with that guy from college, who he didn't remember at the moment.

He sat up, he'll figure—

The sheets dropped and collapsed on to his lap—gulp— he was as naked as the day he was born. He reached up and rubbed his eyes, he felt something rub against his left eye, a plastic ring.

Honsho Chizuru groaned, felt her ring, moved her bra, pulled on her glasses, and they screamed.

An: This was fun to write, thank my beta for the prompts.


	3. Brain Sucking Amoeba!

An: Well here's another drabble. This time Orihime's the star of this one!

Brain Sucking Amoeba!

"BRAIN SUCKING AMEOBA!!"

Orihime leapt in her seat as a strange classmate clamped his hand on her skull before it went limp.

"It starved to death… How dare you!" He exclaimed as Tatsuki chased him off, her fist waving.

It was then she noticed that her lunch break was almost over and during the break, her Sensei wrote "pop quiz" on the board.

She gulped. But those amoebas can't exist right?

The bell rang; startled she decided to salvage her "sucked brain". Her hand soared up and clamped on the nearest brain, an unsuspecting Ishida.

"Brain Sucking! I need Smartness!"

An: this idea bugged me for a while, and I'm glad I finally did it.


	4. A New Horror of Horrors

An: Here is another drabble:

A New Horror Among Horrors

It came from nowhere, with mysterious origins, reeking furry havoc in Seireitei.

It was small, four legged, and long curly black and golden fur covered the dog resembling creature, with loud high-pitched barks.

Zaraki Kenpatchi tried to kill it when it attacked. It got a way.

Kurotsuchi Mayuri tried to experiment upon it to discover its properties. It escaped.

Abarai Renji had to practically surgically remove it from his shocked captain's leg.

Meanwhile a young woman named Mary Sue was hunting the house for her beloved Yorkshire terrier "Fifi Sue" who was always cranky after a trip to the vet.

An:... I should be ashamed of myself, I've invented a new kind of Sue. Poor Kenpatchi, Kurotsuchi, Renji, and Byakuya, I pulled their names out of a hat, so that's why they get to deal with Fifi Sue.


	5. The Chaperone

An: Finally! Here's the Valentines Day Drabble, this drabble was inspried by Niham's Fic "Phantom Romance". Happy Valenitines Day!

The Chaperone

Kurosaki Ichigo sat at the table, feeling a little awkward.

It wasn't the restaurant that corrupted the mood. He was just glad he wasn't the only one paying, it was too fancy for normal dinner date.

It wasn't the outfit he was wearing; actually it seemed formal enough for the occasion. Nor was it the tulips on the table.

It wasn't the food, which was traditional Japanese; the sushi plate was karashi mintaiko, shira-tama and an extra order of wasabi.

The Kuchiki siblings across the table were staring at the piano at the other side of the room with curiosity. Apparently it was common practice for the elder brother to chaperone any of his sister's dates.

Ichigo sighed.


	6. Manga Plots

An: I apologize before hand if Ichigo's out of character. My Beta reader is currently unavailable.

Manga Plots

Rukia was reading the first volume of a new manga series when couldn't help but stop to think.

"Ichigo?" She asked, stopping at the traffic light in the real world town.

"What?" He asked.

"Do you know what Corliss-Feng and Yue-Souh need?" She asked gesturing to the book.

"No."

"What they need is to tell each other what they feel and why they feel that way."

Ichigo looked at Rukia with a questioning expression. "And why would they do that? Drama?"

"You're right, if they did tell each other how they felt, there would be no plot to this manga."


	7. Meeting the Beautiful Dream

To Meet the Beautiful Dream

Hisana shivered as she clutched her infant sister Rukia. The elder girl stared at the two bodies before them and the severed chains from their chests.

The man loomed out of the darkness like a dark spirit. He walked with a noble grace and approached, dark eyes locking eye contact with Hisana's own. He wore ablack samurai uniform, contrasted by a white scarf, white hair ordainments to contrast the ebony hair.

He bent down to press his katana's pommel to her forehead.

"Wait. What's your name?" Hisana asked. "Mine is Hisana, and this is my sister Rukia."

"Kuchiki Byakuya," was all he said, a slight surprise in his voice.

* * *

An:... Hey everyone, Here's another drabble! Cookies to who ever figures out all the symbolism and paralles in this one drabble. ...JOIN THE BYAKUYA/HISANA REVOLUTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THERE AREN'T ENOUGH FICS OFTHEM OUT THERE!!!... yeah... (walks away sheepishly.) 


	8. Disclaimer! The Drabble edition

Breaking down the fourth wall, Disclaimer Edition.

When the fan fiction author Almay Queen of the Random Word tossed and turned in her sleep, Almay couldn't help but feel like she had forgotten something. What was it? Ignoring the feeling, Almay went back to a troubled sleep.

She dreamt she owned all of her favorite anime and manga copyrights and when she woke up, the sense of horror washed over her. She was nothing but a fan, she did not own the copyrights of Bleach, after realizing she had forgotten a disclaimer, she made hers in to a drabble, in which you the reader had just read.


	9. Like Mother, Like Son

Like Mother, Like Son.

Kurosaki Ichigo was walking to school, reminiscing about the days when he would instantly dart to his mother's side as a small child. For a second, he paused, sensing thathe was being followed. He turned to look over his shoulder.

"Ithigo!"

In an instant Ichigo felt the force of a tsunami crashing in to his side as he crashed in to a garbage can.

"Ithigo! Ithigo!" a small Nel Tu exclaimed,bouncing on Ichigo's torso as he recuperated under a moldy old banana peel.

Isshin saw the whole thing from a distance and he chuckled.

Like Mother, like son.


	10. Go! Projectile Something!

Go! Projectile... Something!

It was a square item that was handed to Yachiru before she and her beloved Ken-chan went out to battle Hollows. It was called a GPS. Apparently it had the ability to tell you where you were in the world, and how far, and how to get to your destination. Yachiru wasn't too sure anymore, she kinda fell a sleep during the Shinigami Women's Association meeting about the thing. Something about how boring the frame and screen saver was.

Well, what ever it was, it was good at cracking Hollow masks in half when it was thrown like a projectile.


	11. They Came From The Cosmetic Section

They Came From the Cosmetic Section!

Kon chuckled to himself. The moment he heard Rukia was going to Orihime's slumber party, he made plans to see this. Already he had images of the girls in loose pajama showing off their—ahem—assets.

He crept from Rukia's bag and lifted his eyes to properly view the womanly goodies when… He saw the horror to his eyes. He screamed in terror before he fainted.

"Did you hear that?" Tatsuki asked, her face, like those of the other girls, were covered with a thick goopy layer of Orihime's home-made facial mask.

"Um… When does this come off?" Rukia asked.


	12. Hero

Hero

Not much could be said about a Yamato Hanataro. Some thought he was weak and puny. Others thought he got in the way, or nothing more then an extra hand in the chores. To few, he was a hostage, guide, and healer in one package.

Yet he cared, healed, and assisted in any way he could. Helping everyone else first, helping himself last. With his little nutrition pills and will to be of some use, he could change the world.

While he may never be seen as a hero of some epic of Homer or Virgil, he's a hero too!

* * *

An: a small salute to Hanataro.


	13. Brothers and Sisters

Brothers and Sisters

Kuchiki Rukia had always been a sister.

She was the sister of Hisana, although they were never able to grow up together. Hisana still regrets.

She was the official sister of Kuchiki Byakuya, although distant at first, he had referred her to be his pride.

Sister to Abari Renji, growing up and going to school together, they drifted away before drifting back.

Unofficial sister to Kurosaki Ichigo and his sisters Karin and Yuzu, honed to protect and like a younger brother, someone she taught about life, and death.

Rukia, had brothers, and a sister, and it will stay that way.

* * *

An: This was written after a conversation with my own sister on Renji and Rukia's childhood. It's also dedicated to my cousin, who is like an older brother/friend to me.


	14. Big Black Blob

The Big Black Blob.

It was the night before he would fake his own death. Aizen was writing the final letter to go to Hinamori. In a moment when her mind was filled with confusion, with a warning from someone she called "Shiro-chan".

Sweet Hinamori, Loyal Hinamori. He looked up to hold eye contact as he spoke to her his "final words".

After the conversation she eventually fell asleep.

Alone at last, Aizen looked down at his "farewell letter" only to realize that there was a big black blob in the middle of the sheet of paper. He would have to start all over.

* * *

An: This drabble was inspired by a Bleach marathon when we were watching the scene where Aizen was writing the letter while talking to Hinamori. My sister noticed that he was holding eye contact with Hinamori while his brush was still moving. This was a theorized idea on what happend to that sheet of paper.


	15. Karma and Sanity

Karma and Sanity

It had been years since their last encounter. Momo Hinamori had depended on this man before he wounded her and left her broken. In time she healed, thanks to the care of people who knew her. She had grown strong in spirit and mind, the mind repairing the damage he had left her.

Now she had to test the strength of her recovered sanity.

She used her ruler to rap the man's knuckles to get his attention; special bands sealed away his reiatsu, making him a normal spirit.

"Now Aizen-san, are you ready for your 1000 years of community service?"

* * *

An: I had this idea for a while and thought that Hinamori would probably deserve it after what Aizen did to her. As to why he got community service, well, the Sokyoku still hasn't been repaired so they decided to go with community service instead.


	16. The Intermission Show

The Intermission Show.

Inside his new cage the white bird twittered.

Chad looked up from studying for exams to look at the parakeet, or cockatiel, He remembered seeing a picture of one after Shibata's soul went to the soul society.

Prompted for the need to be entertained, the bird lifted and dropped colorful rings, ran bells, and with his talon feet "ran" across a perch with his wings out for balance giving Chad the impression of a 17th century Lady trailing her gown.

Nimbly attempting cartwheels on one of the rings, the bird trilled with joy before Chad went back to his homework.

An: my mother owns a parakeet so I decided to write one staring Chad and his bird.


	17. Astonishment

Astonishment

Kurosaki Ichigo was to say at least stunned, at the most he resembled someone who had come into contact with an electric eel.

The overzealous renegade hollow or arrancar—Ichigo couldn't tell which anymore—laid on the pavement of Kankura town before it dissolved into thin air. Apparently it felt that if it had dragged his lifeless body to its beloved "Aizen-sama" it would get high stats in Hueco Mundo.

The defeater of the renegade now stood before Ichigo in absolute victory.

The shinigami, Kurosaki Isshin smiled and said "By the way son, you forgot to say 'Happy Father's day.'"

* * *

An: This is dedicated to my father, Happy Father's Day Dad!


	18. The Gender Blender read at own risk

An: I blame reading too many FemIchigo fics for this fic, and it was meant as a parody but **_read at own risk_**, I'm sorry if the first posting disturbed too many people.

* * *

The Gender Blender.

It started as a seemingly innocent question, brought on after a strange science fiction movie about gender bending and alternate dimensions. Eventually an idea formed in Orihime's mind and it just had to be asked.

"I wonder what Kurosaki-kun would look like as a girl…." She mused.

Tatsuki laughed at the strange idea.

The mental image sent Keigo in to shock and Mizuru's mind couldn't match the crazy idea with the masculine Ichigo.

Ishida Uryu glanced at them as Kurosaki Ichigo entered the classroom, rolled his eyes, pushed up his glasses to the bridge of his nose. "….Idiots." He muttered.


	19. The Clan

The Clan

"Mother! Daddy has a second son!" Isshin cried to the beloved poster of his wife Misaki. The woman in the picture smiled somewhat welcoming.

Ichigo rolled his eyes, almost amused as to who was the center of the attention. Karin was already taking measures to subdue her hyperactive father while Yuzu was already running from the Kurosaki kitchen to greet this new "brother." Rukia was halfway between amused and startled.

Kuchiki Byakuya, although his face was a trained calm was surprised. It appeared he had been adopted in the Kurosaki clan the second he was introduced as "Rukia-chan's elder brother."

* * *

An: I think this one needs no other explanation.


	20. A Quiet Moment

A Quiet Moment

Kira Izuru was paying her a visit when he found her. Hinamori Momo was leaning against the window of her fourth division infirmary room gazing in to nothingness.

"Momo?" He asked.

She looked at him and smiled, and after a moment of silence he asked if he could sit next to her, she nodded. In silence they sat and Momo closed her eyes, slowly falling asleep. Izuru blinked and blushed, he did have a crush on her back in the academy. Time passed and Izuru dozed.

"Oi! Nothing inappropriate happened I hope?" Abarai Renji teased as he entered the room.

* * *

An: This also happened to me when I was camping in June with my boyfriend falling asleep on my shoulder. Three camping trips in a row, and I just came home from the third one. This takes place after the Soul Soceity Arc and before my drabble Karma and Sanity.


	21. A Rematch, sequal to Horror of Horrors

A Rematch.

It came back.

The divisions were ready for its attack this time, the eleventh division members were on patrol, the twelfth division readied their labs, the fourth division readied their first aid kits.

After the alert was sounded Hanataro was the first to spot it, he yelped at it approached realizing that in a fight he would not win. But then it sniffed the air and found a better target.

Kuchiki Byakuya-taicho sensed it coming before he saw it, he was ready. Fifi-sue growled, Byakuya glared, and Fifi-sue surrendered. He won this round but his ankle ached from last time.

* * *

AN: Byakuya, still a sue magnet as always. (laughs). I too had a glaring match with my aunt's dog and the moment I won he knew to leave me, and the dog I was dog sitting, alone (yay!). ….


	22. Experimentation

An: Hi, I think that last drabble will be the last one I'll do of Fifi-sue…(sudders)

* * *

Experimentation

It was her birthday tonight, and Hisagi Shuuhei was preparing her present. The sake jug sat patiently inside its wrappings.

It was an hour later when he approached the tenth division barracks and was greeted by the birthday girl herself, Matsumoto Rangiku. He passed over the other fuku-taicho the present and with out thinking, gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

Her lipstick covered lips turned in to a smile and she gave him one back as a thank you. Later she would admit to herself that the kiss on the cheek was her favorite birthday present this year.

* * *

An: Anyway this drabble is an experiment I'm trying to conduct on a new pairing, I noticed in some of the Shinigami Cup Golden, as well as in some of the bonus drawings, there are hints of HisagixMatsumoto (or at least on Hisagi's part)…


	23. The Demon Cat Came Back

The Demon Cat Came Back

It was an unknown fact that Kuchiki Hisana loved cats as much as her little sister loved rabbits. It had been a cold wet day when she came home after searching for Rukia, and the only thing she had found was the black furry bundle in her arms. Her husband, Kuchiki Byakuya, had a slight start when he laid eyes on his wife's new pet; it looked familiar.

Yoruichi had to hold in her amusement when she saw him. What had Byakuya been up to since she left Seireitei?

This promised to be so much fun.

* * *

An: Not much to say. Just a random speculation after IM-ing with my beta, I might turn this in to an actual one shot instead of a drabble later…. This drabble takes place after the Turn Back the Pendulum arc of course.


	24. The Chick Magent

The Chick Magnet

The trouble started when a pair of drunken shinigami men saw a group of shinigami women .

It was then the women approached them; the men smiled and went to turn on their charm.

Alas, it was to no avail as the women squealed with joy at something cute behind them, a poor Hanataro with a plateful of onigiri. The small fourth division Shinigami was swarmed with his admirers.

In the end, Hanataro, rubbing his sore face, wasn't sure what attracted them, but he was pretty sure, mostly because of his now empty plate, it was the snacks.

* * *

An: Somehow, I've always imagine Hanataro would have the best luck with the ladies over any other bleach character... XD.


	25. Silver Drabble Edition! Undercover

An: this is a Thank You drabble for my reviewer Artificial Life Creator, and this is her challenge. I hope I did a good job. Thanks for the reviews! She/He also gets the sliver drabble! Number 25!

Undercover.

For years now Kunieda Ryo was working undercover in the human world. Now she was able to pass off as a normal school girl, slight faster in her gigai then the average teenage girl, but she was proud of the record she set.

It was unintentional for her to wind up in the same class of Kurosaki Ichigo, but her information of the human world was vital.

This valuable information was to be reported to Aizen-sama and Haribel-sama.

Sunsun rolled her eyes in her disguised form at her classmate's loud antics.

"Please don't talk so loudly, it makes you look stupid."


	26. Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween.

"Come on Ichi-ni, I want to get to the good houses before they run out of the good candy!" Yuzu called outside her brother's bedroom.

"While we're still young!" Karin prompted. "You know dad won't let us go out alone this year!" Both girls wore the black costume of kimonos Karin had seen the shinigami wear.

"Alright fine, I'm coming!" Ichigo opened his door, the trick or treat bag swinging. He turned to the one responsible for the Quincy costume. "Don't say a word."

Ishida didn't say anything, pushed up his glasses; he did a great job with the costumes.

* * *

An: As to why Ichigo's wearing his costume, I blame his sisters. Happy Halloween everybody!


	27. Happy Halloween, Take Two

Happy Halloween, Take two

"And so you see Ni-sama, that's why they wear the costumes." Rukia explained, holding her carefully constructed costume in her hands. The sketch pad was on the floor, complete with enlightening drawings of rabbits trick or treating.

Byakuya glanced at his sister's costume, and he passed over the ornaments necessary to complete it. "Alright, you may dress up for the event."

Rukia bowed. "Thank you Ni-sama."

Ten minutes later Renji walked past his captain's office with the latest important paperwork, before he was forced to do a double take.

Inside, there was not one, but two Kuchiki-taichos in the room.

An: I couldn't resist.


	28. Like Father, Like Son

Like Father, Like Son.

The farther down the road you go, the tougher they get... and I live at the end of the road!—Ed Morse.

Zaraki Kenpatchi stood in the Kurosaki kitchen ready to hold a battle with Ichigo when something else caught his eye and he recognized that face.

The former captain of the eleventh division of twenty years ago was standing in the kitchen, until he was defeated (and barely survived) by Kenpatchi.

Kurosaki Isshin had to move quickly, and was followed moments later by his eldest son, the battle-crazed current eleventh division captain at their heels.

Like Father, like son.

An: This is obviously a sequal to Astonisment, and Like Mother Like Son... and this drabble is obviously boderline crack.... oh dear...


	29. Don't Try This At Home

An: This is the sequel to Like Father, Like Son.

Don't Try This At Home.

He must have been big and very menacing for a ghost.

This was something that Yuzu could not sense, but she could tell from her sister's body language that there was that kind of monster right next to them.

"Kurosaki Isshin, and Kurosaki Ichigo?" Karin asked the blank space with an eyebrow raised. "Never heard of them." Yuzu almost squawked in indignation, but some little instinct told her to keep quiet.

So as Yuzu and Karin walked away, Zaraki Kenpatchi stood in the park, zanpakuto out and ready, began contemplating that maybe Ichigo was an only child after all.

* * *

An: As to what happened to Karin and Yuzu, they went to Urahara Shoten, called Rukia-ne-san and Byakuya-ni-san to escort them home. Later Ichigo and Isshin were relentlessly interrogated by Karin.


	30. Lost and Found

Lost and Found.

Rukia was surprised the moment she felt something land on her shoulder. She turned at looked at it as it began to play with a strand of her black hair. It was a grey cockatiel with white cheeks.

"Hello." It squeaked, "It's nice to find fellow bird."

"I'm not a bird."

" What do you mean you're not a bird!" the bird exclaimed. "I'm.."

"Haku! I've been looking for you hun!" A girl with short black hair in an academy uniform rushed over. "Thanks for finding my zanpakuto miss!" The girl called as the bird followed.

Rukia blinked in confusion.

* * *

An: This is a drabble written for my little sister about a speculation about what would happen if an academy student would figure out how to materialize their zanpakuto. As for why the bird called Rukai a fellow bird, I heard a rumor that Rukia was a bird species as well as a name.


	31. Weakness and Charm

Weakness and Charm

Kurosaki Ichigo could proudly say that he was strong enough to defeat hollows, arrancar, Espada, and any other bad guy who happened to have the nerve to threaten his loved ones.

However there was one weakness.

Yuzu glanced up at her big brother with her pleading eyes.

"Please Ichi-ni?" The Chappy plush she was holding gave off that 'cutesy smile' that reminded Ichigo of a doodle of Rukia's.

Ichigo could feel his resolve weakening, but he would not give in.

"Ichi-ni, don't you owe Yuzu 3,000 yen(1) for your Christmas gift?" Karin asked.

Minutes later, Ichigo was 3000 yen poorer.

* * *

An: Who can resist Yuzu's puppy eyes?

This had happened to me, by the charm of my own younger sister. Happy Holidays anyway.

(1) 3000 yen, by my mental math should equal to (roughly with allowance for error) about 30 U.S. dollars, But I'm not sure about the currency of other nations. Please correct me if I'm wrong.


End file.
